Are you walking in Front, Behind, or Side-by-Side? (Part 3)

Being one with my husband, Gordon, has always been so important to me. In my book, “Marriage Glue: Sticking to your Vows~ Even when it Hurts”, I talk about how I bought a plaque that has, “And the two shall become one flesh.” written on it, shortly after I got married. It hangs on my wall to this day, 31 years later!

Every family has its own unique personalities, ideologies, and even secrets. In this blog post, part 3 of this series, I give another potential obstacle to oneness in marriage. “Family baggage”, which is what I call it in my book:

3. If either the husband or (the wife) doesn’t leave their family, and cleave to their spouse, this can create problems in the marriage.

To be honest, I think this can be one of the trickiest obstacles to navigate when it comes to bonding and being one with your mate. When you are talking about leaving your father and your mother, these are the people who you are probably the closest to, out of everyone you know. You and your spouse also may have siblings with whom you grew up, and you have all of those fond (or not-so-fond) childhood memories and the family ties that result. These encompass decades. How do you leave these ties behind and bond with your mate? And yet, God says, in Genesis, that a man is to leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife. I believe that a wife should cleave to her husband as well.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and she told me that, about 3 years into her marriage, her three brothers-in-law had all moved in with her and her family. After getting their new house, her husband told her that his brothers needed to move in. She told her husband no, but her husband still allowed his brothers to move in. She made a point of mentioning that all she had on, when the brothers all came walking in through her front door (keys in hand) was a t-shirt!

I’m sure that some of you reading this are probably saying to yourself: “That would happen over my dead body!” But it happened to my friend, nonetheless, and 29 years later she is still married to her husband! But this scenario could have caused a huge problem in her marriage? One of the brothers stayed with them for two years! Another one ended up moving his wife in, who had been living in another country. But she had no say in what happened in her life and in her home for two years.

I do think that my friend did the right thing for her marriage and for her family by “grinning and bearing” with a very difficult situation. However, both partners should be involved when family members are planning to come visit or live with them. Couples can even pray together about these family issues. But at any rate, one spouse should not be allowing his or her family members to do whatever they please, without first running it by their soulmate. Events like these send the wrong messages to in laws, that can cause them to feel like they don’t need to respect the other spouse or their wishes.

Think on it: What would you have done if you were this friend of mine? What is your take on in laws and situations like this that pop up?

Lean in: Leave a comment or share an experience below. God bless you and yours!